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He is future brother – in – law


The Referee of a loosing Football team was seriously criticizing a player.

– Why, when you were face to face with the Goalkeeper and only eleven meters from the goal, didn’t you shoot straight into theopposingteam’sgoal? Everyone could see that you deliberately kicked the …

Let your father replace you to play


A mother was talking to her football player son

– My son, my friend will bring her daughter to visit our family this afternoon and you can see her. Remember to stay home.
The young man was unwilling:
– Aw, mom, this …

You’ve already beaten me 1 to 0


The old man was giving an inspirational talk to his future son- in- law, who was a football player.

– If you score a goal in this match, I’ll make immediate arrangements for you and my daughter to get married.
– Uh…Uh,I”mafraidyou’llhavetomakethose arrangements …

I’ll ask them to change to a different card color


When her young son came home from a football match with a sad face, the mother asked:

– Why are you so sad?-I was offered a “yellow” card by the referee, Mom.-Don’t you like a yellow card? So, what color …

I’ll never go to watch a football game again!


A football supporter told her husband:

– I’ll never come to see another football game again.
– Why? Do you think they played badly?
– No! I agree that the game was interesting, but then I saw that scene at …

Wear a neckerchief…to play football


Before a son had to go far away for a competition football match, his mother advised him.

– It is very cold there so you must dress warmly or you will catch a cold. Here, I’ve already prepared a sweater, some stockings and a …

Why use your head against the ball?


His mother was scolding a football player:

– Alas, my son. I sat at home watching the football game on TV and I saw you jump up to use your head against the ball. Oh, how stupid you are, my son. …

Heavy weight rivals?


Some little boys were arguing about football.

-Whydotheycalltheplayersonteam”A”the “Heavyweight Rivals?”-Why do you ask such a stupid question? They are the players who are fed well so they will have a big body. And, if they have a big body then it’s for …

you can play a make up game tomorrow


Wife: Will you take me to buy a dress this afternoon?

Husband: Sorry, but I have a very important competition football match this afternoon, so how can I go shopping with you?Wife: Oh, you always dramatize things so much. Just ask to …

Will you describe the game?


A wife was angry with her husband who had a frivolous nature. She asked him:

– Where were you last night? You didn’t get home until near 2:00am. Do you think I don’t know? The husband quickly defended himself: – …

Isn’t any goal the same?


A new trainer was giving his first lecture to a Young Pioneers Football Team. He admonished a young player:

– Why did you kick the ball into your own team’s goal? Can’t you distinguish your own goal from the goal of the other …

There are plenty of tickets on the black market!


A football player sighed and told his wife:

– This match is the deciding one. If we can’t beat team “A” it means we will lose the ticket to attend the final match.
His wife consoled him:
– Well, there are plenty …

Drinking and driving


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

The “Environmental Engineering News” published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries. …

You should learn to be more polite


One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn’t happy about that: “When are you going to learn to be polite?” …

Blonde Car Accident


One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a …

Constantly complaining about the temperature


A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour….

The Bum…


A bum approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. “Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?” The well-dressed gentleman responds, “You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?”

“No, sir, I don’t drink,” retorts the bum.
“You are …

Great Mystery


Newsboy : “Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?”

Passerby : “Here boy, I’ll take one” (After reading a moment) “Say, boy, there’s nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?”Newsboy : “That’s the mystery, sir. You’re the fifty …



Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lack he said to his wife….

A new trick


The conjurer was arranging a new stage trick, and on the day before its introduction he asked his young son to help him.

“When I ask for a boy to come on the stage, you must come at once. But you must …